Sunday, January 26, 2003
Talk about a LAME Saturday Night
I had it all planned.
Friday was my day alone. Tonight was dinner at Paul’s restaurant and then out to see our friend Steve play in his band.
But then things happened. As they always do.
Friday started with Paul cancelling our Saturday dinner due to money worries. I understood. How could I not?
Even if I was pretty excited that he used the word "date" when asking me to hang out.
My night alone last night was everything I didn’t want it to be: filled with anxiety, eating trash, and watching horrible tv for hours on hours on hours. Could I have done a sit-up? Could I have eaten a salad? Could I have done some acting exercises? Could I have EVEN put in a movie and watched something I hadn’t seen over and over?
no. Impossible. I was a piece of shit.
And for the first time in a long time...I hated it. I didn’t relax and I didn’t have fun.
Today...I did the same. Hung around and masturbated repeatedly. At one point I was sitting naked at Rita’s computer pumping my shit when Pintu, the landlord, came barreling through the front door. Again. Does he have to come in EVERY time I am doing something nasty and gay?
GOD.
After running to my room and hiding out for an hour, I decided that it was time to re-emerge with confidence. If he was still tooling around our apartment, I would act all surpised and tell him to get the fuck out.
Luckily he was gone.
After that, I spoke with Paul and he was pretty irritable from having worked at a new restaurant for the last 5 days. He has been studying the store menu for days. His test is tomorrow.
After speaking with him, I decided to whip up a very elegant and FAST dinner for him. I wanted it to be ready before he got to my pad. That gave me 50 minutes.
I tore through the cupboards thinking of endless dinners in my mind.
I finally settled on a quick marinated chicken, pasta packet of Fettucini Alfredo, and homemade bisquik biscuits. JUST LIKE RITA MAKES. I busted ass and the dinner was fully prepared for the minute he walked in the door.
He was very pleased and we immediately sat down to dinner. (BTW...it was JOOD! ((that means "real good")))
While chomping on my fourth biscuit of the evening (stop it Joe. really now.), Mariah called to inform us that she wouldn’t be going to the show due to a sudden illness. NOOOOOOOOOO! I was COUNTING on her being there. (She wasn’t going originally, but changed her mind on Friday and I decided at that moment that I could only go if she were going.) So Mariah bails and I start to realize that I just don’t want to go anymore. Of course.
Paul needed to study his menu, so I spent the time taking a shower and getting ready for our night out. With Paul studying so diligently, I planned on us going out for a quick drink at a gay bar before heading over to the show at the Elbow Room.
Every half hour I checked in on Paul to assess his progress. During one of my visits, I ripped his pants off and sucked his dick. He seemed surprised, but also pleased. I knew it would help him relax. :-D
Finally, at 9:15pm, I gave him the final quiz.
I don’t know if the kid has literal rocks in his head or if he just stares at the pages and dreams of having fame, fortune, and a hot body, but he retained NONE OF IT! He has been studying this menu for days and when I quizzed him, he burst out laughing at each item. He was clueless.
I grew frustrated and explained to him that he was “really only hurting himself by spending his time studying, daydreaming”. He nodded in approval and went back to work.
At 10:15pm....
HE STILL KNEW NONE OF IT!
No, that’s not true.
When I asked him what the ingredients were in the basic cheese pizza, he said: “Well, I know that you are supposed to leave the basil off when children order it.”....................................um.
Good Paul.
very good.
I gave him a crash course in how to memorize things.
The imagery trick worked like a charm, but after an hour and a half we still had only gotten through half the menu.
At that point I offered to not go out at all and to spend the night helping him memorize. He was vehement in the fact that he “had to go to Steve’s show”. I said I understood that, but also understood that the test was in the morning and that he was still unprepared. This conversation eventually turned ugly and we fought. The fight led to a discussion and
I tried to discuss a lot of the things that have been bothering me lately.:
1) He never listens. He talks over me and only about himself at an increasingly annoying rate.
2) He throws everything, from our past, in my face on a daily basis. It doesn’t matter what comes out of my mouth, Paul has a memory of something shitty I have done that will counteract the point I am trying to make. God! This is the worst one. Whether it’s a talk about money or the amount of times one of us has said “I love you”, he throws it in my face. It makes it impossible to ever move forward.
3) He is taking all of his frustration on finding a new job and changing his life out on me.
I understand that this has to happen. The kid did just move to NYC for me.
But, it’s gotta let up a bit. I mean, seriously. It’s been 7 or 8 weeks and he is about to break me. (I spent the last 3 days away from him. Not really talking on the phone, not sleeping in the same bed, not arguing...it was nice)
I need him to get adjusted. Yet deep down I know it takes forEVER for this to happen when you first to move to NYC.
I just have to be patient. It's all I can do.
ugh.
After our argument, there was no way that I could go to the show with him. The discussion had gotten too personal and real. I have to admit, I was very proud of myself during the whole thing. He got crazy and was screaming and I just listened and tried to understand. I didn’t scream (unless he spoke over me) and I really made an effort in working through it.
Ultimately it didn’t matter tho.
He left and refused to kiss me.
(how quickly we forget the blow job of 8:17pm)
I let him go.
I then realized that I had no plans for Saturday night. It’s now 12am and I sit here typing in my blogger. Yeah JOE! You are the MAN in NYC. Look at how the phone rings off the hook!
God...time to not be such a loser.
Kelly called and said she would be home around 2am. If I am still awake and breathing at that point, we will hang out. If not, I go to bed having spent 48 hours in my house. And for the most part...I have hated it.
Tomorrow night I am to hang out with Mariah. That will prove to be more fun. Thank God I don’t have to work on Monday or else this weekend would have been a complete wash.
In conclusion...
While sitting here typing this, I decided to play Rita’s mp3 selection. I miss these songs. I remember sitting here last summer, drinking my glass of wine, and writing about my woes. Hearing some of these songs and sitting in this seat gives me this eerie feeling of comfort. I love it. And I am seriously going to miss living in my apartment. Pretty soon Kelly and I will move to Manhatten and Rita will move back to Syracuse. Life as I know it will change.
Lord help us.
oooh! One more thing....
Rita had a very beautiful and MOVING experience on Thursday night. An experience which she nor I will forget for the rest of our lives. I don’t want to get into it, cuz it’s her business, but I do want to say that I was and am still overjoyed with happiness. And relief. It finally happened baby! WELCOME! I have never seen such beauty and innocence in your eyes as I did that night.
I am always here if you need to talk.
And that’s it.
Hope everyone else is having a more eventful Saturday night.
I gotta go find something to do. Kelly doesn’t get home for another couple of hours.
I had it all planned.
Friday was my day alone. Tonight was dinner at Paul’s restaurant and then out to see our friend Steve play in his band.
But then things happened. As they always do.
Friday started with Paul cancelling our Saturday dinner due to money worries. I understood. How could I not?
Even if I was pretty excited that he used the word "date" when asking me to hang out.
My night alone last night was everything I didn’t want it to be: filled with anxiety, eating trash, and watching horrible tv for hours on hours on hours. Could I have done a sit-up? Could I have eaten a salad? Could I have done some acting exercises? Could I have EVEN put in a movie and watched something I hadn’t seen over and over?
no. Impossible. I was a piece of shit.
And for the first time in a long time...I hated it. I didn’t relax and I didn’t have fun.
Today...I did the same. Hung around and masturbated repeatedly. At one point I was sitting naked at Rita’s computer pumping my shit when Pintu, the landlord, came barreling through the front door. Again. Does he have to come in EVERY time I am doing something nasty and gay?
GOD.
After running to my room and hiding out for an hour, I decided that it was time to re-emerge with confidence. If he was still tooling around our apartment, I would act all surpised and tell him to get the fuck out.
Luckily he was gone.
After that, I spoke with Paul and he was pretty irritable from having worked at a new restaurant for the last 5 days. He has been studying the store menu for days. His test is tomorrow.
After speaking with him, I decided to whip up a very elegant and FAST dinner for him. I wanted it to be ready before he got to my pad. That gave me 50 minutes.
I tore through the cupboards thinking of endless dinners in my mind.
I finally settled on a quick marinated chicken, pasta packet of Fettucini Alfredo, and homemade bisquik biscuits. JUST LIKE RITA MAKES. I busted ass and the dinner was fully prepared for the minute he walked in the door.
He was very pleased and we immediately sat down to dinner. (BTW...it was JOOD! ((that means "real good")))
While chomping on my fourth biscuit of the evening (stop it Joe. really now.), Mariah called to inform us that she wouldn’t be going to the show due to a sudden illness. NOOOOOOOOOO! I was COUNTING on her being there. (She wasn’t going originally, but changed her mind on Friday and I decided at that moment that I could only go if she were going.) So Mariah bails and I start to realize that I just don’t want to go anymore. Of course.
Paul needed to study his menu, so I spent the time taking a shower and getting ready for our night out. With Paul studying so diligently, I planned on us going out for a quick drink at a gay bar before heading over to the show at the Elbow Room.
Every half hour I checked in on Paul to assess his progress. During one of my visits, I ripped his pants off and sucked his dick. He seemed surprised, but also pleased. I knew it would help him relax. :-D
Finally, at 9:15pm, I gave him the final quiz.
I don’t know if the kid has literal rocks in his head or if he just stares at the pages and dreams of having fame, fortune, and a hot body, but he retained NONE OF IT! He has been studying this menu for days and when I quizzed him, he burst out laughing at each item. He was clueless.
I grew frustrated and explained to him that he was “really only hurting himself by spending his time studying, daydreaming”. He nodded in approval and went back to work.
At 10:15pm....
HE STILL KNEW NONE OF IT!
No, that’s not true.
When I asked him what the ingredients were in the basic cheese pizza, he said: “Well, I know that you are supposed to leave the basil off when children order it.”....................................um.
Good Paul.
very good.
I gave him a crash course in how to memorize things.
The imagery trick worked like a charm, but after an hour and a half we still had only gotten through half the menu.
At that point I offered to not go out at all and to spend the night helping him memorize. He was vehement in the fact that he “had to go to Steve’s show”. I said I understood that, but also understood that the test was in the morning and that he was still unprepared. This conversation eventually turned ugly and we fought. The fight led to a discussion and
I tried to discuss a lot of the things that have been bothering me lately.:
1) He never listens. He talks over me and only about himself at an increasingly annoying rate.
2) He throws everything, from our past, in my face on a daily basis. It doesn’t matter what comes out of my mouth, Paul has a memory of something shitty I have done that will counteract the point I am trying to make. God! This is the worst one. Whether it’s a talk about money or the amount of times one of us has said “I love you”, he throws it in my face. It makes it impossible to ever move forward.
3) He is taking all of his frustration on finding a new job and changing his life out on me.
I understand that this has to happen. The kid did just move to NYC for me.
But, it’s gotta let up a bit. I mean, seriously. It’s been 7 or 8 weeks and he is about to break me. (I spent the last 3 days away from him. Not really talking on the phone, not sleeping in the same bed, not arguing...it was nice)
I need him to get adjusted. Yet deep down I know it takes forEVER for this to happen when you first to move to NYC.
I just have to be patient. It's all I can do.
ugh.
After our argument, there was no way that I could go to the show with him. The discussion had gotten too personal and real. I have to admit, I was very proud of myself during the whole thing. He got crazy and was screaming and I just listened and tried to understand. I didn’t scream (unless he spoke over me) and I really made an effort in working through it.
Ultimately it didn’t matter tho.
He left and refused to kiss me.
(how quickly we forget the blow job of 8:17pm)
I let him go.
I then realized that I had no plans for Saturday night. It’s now 12am and I sit here typing in my blogger. Yeah JOE! You are the MAN in NYC. Look at how the phone rings off the hook!
God...time to not be such a loser.
Kelly called and said she would be home around 2am. If I am still awake and breathing at that point, we will hang out. If not, I go to bed having spent 48 hours in my house. And for the most part...I have hated it.
Tomorrow night I am to hang out with Mariah. That will prove to be more fun. Thank God I don’t have to work on Monday or else this weekend would have been a complete wash.
In conclusion...
While sitting here typing this, I decided to play Rita’s mp3 selection. I miss these songs. I remember sitting here last summer, drinking my glass of wine, and writing about my woes. Hearing some of these songs and sitting in this seat gives me this eerie feeling of comfort. I love it. And I am seriously going to miss living in my apartment. Pretty soon Kelly and I will move to Manhatten and Rita will move back to Syracuse. Life as I know it will change.
Lord help us.
oooh! One more thing....
Rita had a very beautiful and MOVING experience on Thursday night. An experience which she nor I will forget for the rest of our lives. I don’t want to get into it, cuz it’s her business, but I do want to say that I was and am still overjoyed with happiness. And relief. It finally happened baby! WELCOME! I have never seen such beauty and innocence in your eyes as I did that night.
I am always here if you need to talk.
And that’s it.
Hope everyone else is having a more eventful Saturday night.
I gotta go find something to do. Kelly doesn’t get home for another couple of hours.
